Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
