she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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