You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
