i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
