I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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