HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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