I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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