Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
