so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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