Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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