I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
