I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
