If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
