hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want her autograph on my taint
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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