I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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