She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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