the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
