According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
