4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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