It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
