i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
