My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
