I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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