We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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