woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
