Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
