I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
