did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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