Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
