..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
