I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
