Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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