i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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