apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
