every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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