We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
