If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
