Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
