Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
