how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
