im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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