Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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