question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
