so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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