Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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