cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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