Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
