I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
