it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
