Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
