Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
