is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize