ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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