y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
