Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
