Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
