so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
