i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
