Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
