Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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